Suicide & How My Brother Saved Me From Drowning
David, Me, and Sean
I’m the youngest of six kids. I have two brothers–the oldest is David and the other is Sean.
Sean and I didn’t get along when we were younger.
Don’t get me wrong, it was nothing serious. More of a personality difference. I liked Sci-Fi, he liked sports. I wanted to watch cartoons, he wanted to push me over and watch Rocky. As for sentimentality, Sean’s got a big heart but pretends to be a bit rough around the edges—like a Teddy bear dipped in cement.
One day when I was six, Sean completely reversed his role of a “big bully” brother by doing something that I’ve never forgotten—he saved my life. I was playing with some water toys at a pool, and went too far into the deep end. Not knowing how to swim, I panicked and started to splash around, crying out for help. I went under the water thinking, “This is it. How could I have been so stupid?”
While underwater, I heard someone dive. Opening my eyes, I saw a figure swim towards me, reach out, and pull me up to safety. I gasped for air as my eyes focused on the person who had rescued me.
“Sean?” I said, disbelieving.
“Don’t look so surprised,” chuckled Sean. “You’re annoying, but you’re still my little brother.” He then set me down at the edge of the pool.
My six-year-old brain was reeling: My brother Sean just saved me from drowning.
As unbelievable as it was to me then to be saved by my brother, fourteen years later Sean would save me from drowning a second time—only a different kind of drowning.
I was twenty years old, and I was going through hell. I had made a lot of bad choices, offended a lot of good people, lost a lot of wonderful opportunities, suffered from severe depression, and become addicted to prescription drugs. I was drowning in my life. “This is it,” I thought to myself. “How could I have been so stupid?”
And so, one morning early in September of 2006 I clocked out of work, and drove back to my empty house. I scribbled some notes in my journal while taking a full bottle of sleeping pills and half a bottle of pain killers. I then went into the garage, climbed into the car, and fell asleep.
By all accounts, I should be dead.
But, by some miracle, my Dad found me. He pulled me out of the car and called 911. I faded in and out of consciousness on the way to the hospital. When I got there, I remember seeing Sean’s shirt moving around the hospital. I’m sure that Sean was attached to his shirt, but under the influence of all the drugs I had taken, all I could see was his brightly-colored shirt. At one point, I remember waking up and seeing my Dad and Sean hovering over me. Sean had tears in his eyes.
Within a day I was released from the hospital. With the help of Sean, I hobbled from the car to my bedroom. I laid down on the king-size bed and stared up at the ceiling, contemplating how my life wasn’t any better after my failed attempt at suicide.
I felt Sean sit down on the other side of my bed. We sat in silence for a long time, lost in our own thoughts.
“You don’t have to stay here and watch me, Sean,” I quietly said. “I’ll be fine.”
He then said something which I’ve never forgotten:
“Seth, I almost lost my little brother. I’m not going anywhere.”
And with those words, it was as if Sean had saved me from drowning a second time. I realized how much my brother—this crusty old Teddy bear dipped in cement—cared about me, his little brother. I thought about my family (my parents, my brothers, and my sisters), and realized how much life I had—and how much life I had almost given up.
Sean’s words weren’t lengthy or profound, but they made me realize that my life mattered to other people; his words gave me hope to move forward in my life.
Now, I want to make it very clear that depression and suicide aren’t issues that are easily or instantly solved. While Sean may have rescued me from “the deep end” of the depression pool, the dangers of the water will always be there for those who linger at the pool. Some of us—through our poor choices—get too close to the deep end of depression, while others unwittingly fall into it. Some people flounder and struggle in the water longer than others. My rescue and recovery from depression were more than just a single event. It was a journey—but that journey started with Sean’s words.
All of us, at some point in our lives, will wade through the waters of depression and doubt. During those difficult times, we simply cannot rescue ourselves from drowning. We all need the love and support of someone who will reach out to us and lift us to safety.
Reach out to someone in your life today. Your words don’t need to be lengthy or eloquent, and you don’t need to be perfect yourself. Just reach out. For that person who is struggling, it could make all the difference in their world.
I will forever be grateful to my brother Sean for twice saving me from drowning.
To learn more about the author of this article, please click here.
Sean, Me, and David
About Seth Adam Smith
148 Comments on “Suicide & How My Brother Saved Me From Drowning”
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Thank you for sharing and being an inspiration to all of us who will find courage in your writing. All the best to you and your family.
Completely agree— thank you for sharing with us all. Xo
We are so interconnected with each other in this universe…. I wish we get better understanding of this.
“A human being is a part of the whole called by us ‘universe’, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” ― Albert Einstein
Your story is an inspiration to us all.I’m glad your brother saved you through it all, your a true living testimony.May God continue to bless you and your family.
way to go Sean
Moved me to tears.Beautifully written
woaw what a wonderful story ! hope, and love in life can do miracle
you are blessed cause you show us the light in the darkness !
Teddy bear dipped in cement…I love that. Brothers…and sisters…family, are such a blessing.
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Beautiful story. Thank you
Donna DeVane
AwakenedRadio.net
Thanks a lot for sharing such an inspiring story of your life and inspiring so many lives with it! Left me with a tear in my eyes and my heart swelled up of love for my loved ones!
Touching story, now I miss my siblings…
thank you for sharing this….
Thank you for sharing something so personal and deep.
Reblogged this on southweb2.
Reblogged this on southweb2.
A personal story that was so beautiful written. Many of us find ourselves in yours or Sean’s position. Thank you for giving us hope. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for sharing; that is an incredibly touching story. I suffer from depression and have for a long time and you’ve said things that I have only thought about – about depression, about helping others who suffer from depression, about needing others to get out of the deep end…thank you.
Thank you for sharing.
Reblogged this on Making Lemonade Out of This Shit.
There are rough patches in everyone’s life.We should try and help people going through depression..Thank you for sharing your story.
nice bro!
This is wonderful. thank you so much for sharing your story.
Candid and personal. I appreciated this very much, thank you for sharing.
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I didn’t know, Seth. But knowing, I am so grateful the outcome meant second chances for you and for the many, many others whose lives you’ve touched…like mine!
This is such a touching story!
Thanks for sharing your experience and your wisdom. As the wife of a chronically depressed husband and the mom of three really fantastic kids who love each other like crazy, you really touched my heart. Hoping you’re doing well.
Is there really hope for one that shuts you out and won’t forgive. I pray for the day that he will accept the help that is offered and let by gones be by gones. To forgive and move forward as you have, is a wonderful thing. Congrats. It’s hard but needed to heal and get on with life. You are a lucky boy. Give your brother another hug for all he did and does for you. I wish you well. Keep moving forward with Faith and Love in your heart and head! I pray for that day.
Thank you for writing that wonderful blog post. Someone close to me recently committed suicide and me and my friends are having a hard time coping with it. Also, a week ago when I was in Puerto Rico, I saved my brother from being eaten by the ocean.
I wrote a poem about the suicide on my blog if you would like to read it.
Reblogged this on Live, Laugh, Love.
Reblogged this on awells10's Blog.
THANKS ! I will reach out to a very special person.
Wow, thanks for sharing this. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed.
I’m so glad to hear that you have found that you matter. Now to all of us, not just your family and friends. Posts like this help us to feel for each other and remind us to be kind. For many years I was drowning as well. I’ve even referred to it as just that, “drowning”. I am so pleased that you are learning to swim strongly through this difficult life. <3
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Just cried my eyes out at work. Your story was so inspiring. I have lost many people in my life to suicide, it is so great to hear what an amazing family you have and support they give you. Keep your head up always Seth, you deserve happiness in all forms! God bless you and your family! Continue to spread your words of wisdom, you will help many!
First off I have to say you and your brothers are all really good looking!
Thank you for sharing your story. I also came home from my mission early because of depression and the society pressure was horrible. Since then I have delt with depression in varying degrees. I have been on and off of medication for the past 10+ years with very little relief. My family knew, but they could not be there for me all the time. Finally 2 years ago I lost it. Many things were piling up, including my Mom’s soon death from cancer. I got home from work and could not stop crying. I felt completely alone and fearful of taking my life. I drove myself to the ER were I cried for 6 hours straight. I am not a crier at all and have never cried that long before. They didn’t think I was a threat to others and said I could go home, but recommended self-admital. I took the brave step and admitted myself to the pysch area of the hospital. It was one of the hardest weekends of my life. I was so ashamed that I didn’t call my parents until the next day and told them not to tell anyone. After being in there 3 days I realized that my life was not as hard as I thought and the other patients in there had it harder. I was worried about missing work and having to explain were I was, so they realeased me on new medications, an appointment with a pyhsciatrist, and meeting again with my therapist who was not helping. It was a huge learning experience that made me more responsible for my health. I worked more dilligently for any relief and used every faucet.
Finally about 2 months ago I decided to switch from Western to Eastern Medicine and have finally for the first time in my life been depression free. I am not saying everyone should try Eastern Medicine, those struggling have to find what helps them! I also eat very healthy and exercise to help, but I had been doing those things before. I am so gratefful for my current Dr. and my faith that enabled me to live and value my life even if the last 10 years was hell!
Thank you for sharing your story to let others know there is help!
Thank you for sharing your story. I lost 2 brothers to suicide, an older brother at the age of 17 and my youngest brother at the age of 21. I also have suffered from depression for most of my life. One thing that I have struggled with a lot was that my family did not ever get counseling for these events together as a family. We have all struggled alone, in our own ways, and have tried to get help but never from/through each other. I still don’t feel things are fixed and have been resolved and really don’t believe they will in this life.
I am grateful to see that your family has stood by you and that your family did not give up on you. In so many ways, I feel that my family gave up on my youngest brother the last year of his life, that they felt there was nothing that could be done to help him; and that has been so much harder for me to deal with because I have dealt with the same feelings he had before he gave up. When I am depressed I often ask myself why I didn’t end my life 23 years ago at the age of 14 when my older brother did. You show others that there is hope and I am so happy for you, that you have changed your life and are helping others now.
Thanks for sharing your story. You are so inspirational to me. Your story changed my life. It actually save my life.
I was diagnose with depression when I was 14. I did not want to be here. I thought everything was my fault. I had a hard time dealing with what happened between my mom and dad. I think that was one of the things that triggered it but thanks for writing the blog.
I just had a suicide attempt in February, I am still having a hard time but it is really great to hear of someone who has had a struggle similar to mine. If its ok, could I talk to you Seth?
Reblogged this on Angels Journal and commented:
I really like this story. It’s a beautiful story.
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