I’ve been thinking a lot about happiness lately, about what it means to be happy. Have you ever wondered how some people can have nothing and be totally and completely content and even joyful, while others have everything material that they could ever want and still be miserable? I stumbled upon this TED Talk a while ago that did a great job of explaining the science behind this particular phenomenon. In it, Dan Gilbert describes the science behind what is called “synthetic happiness”.
In the dictionary, synthetic is described as: “Not natural or genuine; artificial or contrived; prepared or made artificially.” This means that “synthetic happiness” is created artificially—by you. However, Dan suggest that “synthetic happiness is every bit as real and enduring as the kind of happiness you stumble upon when you get exactly what you were aiming for.” But, how can something that is made artificially be just as good as the real thing?
I won’t give away the entire talk and all of the experiments, since I’m going to post the video here for you to discover. It is really fascinating how Dan explains it.
But the way that I want to explain it is to give a couple of real-life examples about happiness (or the lack thereof) from my own life.
A few years ago, I went through a very rough patch in my life. I was in college, and I was really struggling. My classes were challenging, and I was barely staying afloat with my assignment load. I had just broken up with a guy that I was head-over-heels for—for the fifth time. He was one of those guys who just could never decide what he really wanted. Work wasn’t going so great either. I had a co-worker who didn’t seem to like me and so, started finding fault with everything that I did, despite the fact that I had been an excellent employee at the company for two years. Aside from my own life, my family was struggling as well. One afternoon, amidst all of my own chaos, my mom called with the news that my parents were getting a divorce. I was devastated, and began drowning in depression. After that, things only seemed to get worse. I started missing assignments, failing tests, and sleeping through classes. Nothing seemed worth it to me. And after a long emotional battle with my rival co-worker, I decided to quit my job, a job I had dearly loved. For months, I let myself be completely miserable. I figured that I had an excuse since so many bad things were happening to me. And the sadder I felt, the harder life was.
Now fast-forward to today. I am now finished with college. After all of the struggles and long hours of work, I was finally able to graduate with my bachelors degree—only to find out that there aren’t many jobs to be had right now. Of the jobs that do exist, none are related to my field of study and few pay much more than what I made working in high school. I got married a year ago (to the most wonderful man on the planet), and had big plans for our future. Few of these plans panned out. One of the biggest things to put a wrench in my plans was that I got sick. I started having breathing problems that couldn’t be explained. Ten months, dozens of tests, and thousands of dollars worth of doctor bills later, there is still no consensus on what is causing my illness. In fact, as a result of some ineffective prescriptions, I now have severe stomach pains along with the breathing problems. We’ve had to put monetary plans on hold due to the unexpected bills. My family still has problems too, and it affects all of us. My grandma died a few weeks ago, which was a shock and source of great heartache. My husband’s father is very ill, and not expecting to recover. I’m out of shape…
…You get the idea. But you know what? I’m HAPPY!! In fact, I think I’m at one of the happiest points in most of my life! When hard things happen, I give myself a little time to mourn, a little time to kick and scream and throw a fit if I need, and then I let it go. I look at all of the good things that I DO have, and I celebrate them. I look at the things that I don’t have as opportunities that I just don’t understand yet. Because isn’t that how life works? You miss one opportunity, only to find that missing that one leads you to another, even better opportunity? I think so.
In college, I allowed my hardships to allow sorrow to overtake me. I refused to be happy with so many misfortunes staring me in the face. And yet, if I had just let the hard things go, I could have learned to be happy with all of the things that I DID have. I could have thrived in other ways—which I eventually did. I’m telling you my story so that you don’t have to make the same mistake.
My point is that you have the CHOICE to be happy. Sometimes you are happy because life hands you exactly what you want (like when life handed me my wonderful husband!) And other times you can be happy despite the fact that life gave you a bag full of horse crap. Make something useful out of the horse crap; plant a garden and celebrate every single ripe, beautiful vegetable that comes from that garden.
Life is only as enthralling as you allow it to be. So kick out all the stops. Allow yourself to be swept away. And happiness will always find its way to you.