Love has been a universal theme of stories, songs, and melodies throughout time and throughout all cultures. In almost every language there seem to be special words used to describe love in its various forms.
As I was studying Japanese, I was struck by the grammatical difference between the verbs “to love” and “to fall in love”. The phrase “suki ni naru” (to fall in love/ to start liking someone) is grammatically classified as an act where one does not exercise will, rather it is something that happens independently of the subject’s choice.
On the other hand, according to Japanese grammar and morphology the word “ai wo suru” (to love), is a volitional verb expressing the act of making a conscious choice or decision.
Love, unlike falling in love, is a choice. Love is also like a flower. We can choke it by using careless words, by letting doubts and concerns entering our mind. We can let it thrive and turn into a beautiful rose if we choose to nourish it with compassion, forgiveness, and mutual respect.
Often enough, we let our love-flower wither and deprive ourselves of the fullness of joy. The fear of being rejected and our own feelings of inadequacy start to act as the blazing sun that scorches and stunts the growth of our tender little flower. We often try to pragmatically calculate our pros and cons while missing the unseen surrounding opportunities. Such self-imposed negative thoughts lead to limitations of our heart, our emotions, and the ability to develop our personal potential.
Even if you can argue that we do not choose our feelings (such as love) it is harder to argue that we do not choose our thoughts. Our thoughts shape our feelings. Ultimately, we have the power over what we think and our subsequent feelings.
I once read, “Our thoughts, more than circumstances, determine the course of our lives. Outward circumstances do not determine the course of our lives as much as the thoughts that habitually occupy our minds. These thoughts carve their impression on our faces, in our hearts, and on the tablet of our eternal souls.” (Howard W. Hunter, Teachings of Howard W. Hunter, Page 74)
Our thoughts, more than our circumstances, determine the course of our love. Outward circumstances do not determine the course of our love as much as the thoughts that we let in our heart and mind. Love is a choice. It is volitional, requiring a conscious flow of thought and action.