I was huddled in a corner of the SDSU track field (above a parking garage) in torrential rain and strong gusts of wind, trying to figure out when my sister was going to be doing the Triple Jump for Utah Valley University (UVU). I was on the phone w/ my mom, who was across the field with my sister, and she was telling me that Alexa’s coaches wanted her to scratch out of the Triple Jump. I was confused and upset.
I started talking with one of Alexa’s teammates, and he told me that Ali ‘s best triple jump is around 36. He also informed me that 36 is where SDSU’s sand pit begins. So Alexa’s coaches wanted her to scratch out of the Triple Jump, because if she didn’t jump her very best—personal record (PR) then she wouldn’t even make the sand pit.
My sister decided to jump anyway. Again, I was confused and asked her teammate why. He smiled at me and said, “Kylee, she knows that in order to make the sand she will PR, and that will force her to jump her very best!”
Image found Here
It was like a light exploded in my head.
I had been thinking a lot about self sabotage, self harm, limiting ourselves, etc. I talked with a lot of my friends who are trying to figure out things in their lives, and it seems they are almost afraid to be successful. They don’t know how to live their dreams or make them happen. They are quick to limit what they are capable of doing and instead, settle with the familiar.
I have seen this happen–the art of self sabotage, other wise known as “shooting yourself in the foot,” “putting your foot in your mouth,” or “cutting off your nose to spite your face”–time and time again. It seems particularly evident in my profession:
The abuse victim returns to her abuser because she can’t imagine her life without him, and so she’d rather risk the abuse. The teenager who is getting close to leaving a Residential Treatment Center, but instead of being excited to leave does something wrong, breaks the rules, harms themselves, etc. so that they will have to stay longer. Staying in a thankless, underpaid job because the idea of looking for and getting another job seems overwhelming. Dragging out school because graduating means having to make tough decisions. Ending a great relationship first because you fear the other person will walk away, and you would rather do the hurting than get hurt. Using anger as a power play even though punching the wall will lead to you breaking your arm. And so many other situations…Some of these decisions are conscious, but most are unconscious.
The idea of self sabotage permeates our society. It’s not only stifling, but it causes so much dissonance in our relationships. When you surround yourself with excuses, mediocrity, blaming, fear, over-analyzing, procrastination, and so forth, you drown in self sabotage (check out this great blog about overcoming self sabotage.) Those around you who love you have two choices: They can either stand on the sidelines and throw you a rope, or jump into the water and start to drown with you. So what can you do about it?
Being self-aware is the greatest way I know to combat self sabotage. Be observant of your beliefs, your thoughts, and your behaviors. Remember that everything isn’t black or white. People don’t just succeed or fail. There is a lot of negotiable grey area. Think outside of yourself. I know most of us don’t think of ourselves as selfish, but thinking of others really curbs unconscious self sabotage. See the bigger picture. Often we get stuck looking through the window when all we have to do is go outside.
How are you doing in the triple jump lane of your life? Do you see the sand and fear the gap, or do you see the sand and have faith that you will make it?