Forgiveness isn’t something we do for others. We do it so we can get well and move on.
Last Sunday was the Forgiveness Sunday in Russia. It is an orthodox holiday, when everybody asks one another for forgiveness.
When I woke up on Sunday I was determined to have forgiven (well, at least to do my best) everybody who I thought had ever offended me in any way in my life. It seemed such an easy thing to do in the morning. But for some reason so many bad memories kept coming into my mind during the day – more than usually come in a whole month.
I kept remembering situations and words that seemed so inexcusable. It made me feel so sorry for myself and so angry at all those people who hurt me. Paradoxically, it was the day when I least wanted to remember all that stuff. Each time I tried to forget, let it go, but it was so difficult! And then I started to think. I started analyzing myself and people around me.
I must admit that I am a pretty easily-offended person. I have felt so offended by so many people so many times. Have you noticed how much energy hatred or self-pity take away? Recalling over and over the same situation, thinking of possible different arguments and answers, repeatedly proving to myself that I was right, maybe inventing some way of “revenge”. All those endless imaginary battles in your mind, they are like a vicious circle – oh, poor me – oh, stupid them – but poor me – how could they do that to me! It is very tiring, and in reality I am not proving anything to anybody. Instead, I am just hurting myself even more – mentally.
And there I am, thinking of all those people who hurt me. Actually, some of those people don’t even know that they offended me. Maybe some of them don’t even remember me now. Wow… and how many people, who I don’t remember, have I offended? Do they think of me? Do they hate me? Oh no, I don’t want them to!
But I can’t tell them that I am sorry now because I don’t see them – or I don’t know – what I have done, because it was unintentional. I really hope they all will forgive me someday.
And so I should forgive the people that have hurt ME, especially the ones who didn’t want to. But I can’t say who did and who didn’t, because I have no idea what was in their minds. But if they really did a bad thing, meant it, and never regretted it, I should feel nothing but sorry for them. No cruel person is happy in his life, I am sure (a hundred percent sure). If I don’t see him suffering, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t. Maybe he suffers even more than anybody could wish him to. So let them go in peace. 
By the end of the day, I felt so relieved. It was a load off my mind. It seemed to be so much easier to live now that I let that load go. And I even felt “more forgiven”, as if I had paid off a huge credit. I was ready to continue my life. It all seemed so much easier without the grievances that had been poisoning me.
The Forgiveness Sunday. A great holiday, isn’t it?