I’m beginning a series of posts about my own understanding of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I’m not a psychologist, and have no training in understanding the human mind. But I do know about my personal experience with PTSD, as well as the experiences of a small handful of friends and acquaintances who have also dealt with it. It is different for everyone who has it, so my specific details of how I have been able to walk forward from it may vary from the way others who suffer from the same disorder have been able to do so. I’ve learned that there are some universal truths and facts about PTSD that are likely the same for everyone, and those may be the most important details to understand. I hope that through my writing you will become more educated about it and be better able to support others who may be struggling with it.
PTSD can occur in anyone of any age, and is often accompanied by other emotional problems, such as depression, low self esteem, and anxiety. The severity of PTSD and how it manifests itself in an individual varies from person to person, depending on its cause as well as the person’s mental and emotional state.
Common causes of PTSD are witnessing or being a victim of something highly abusive or violent, like sexual abuse or homicide. There are other causes, and since this is a mentally and emotionally related disorder, it really depends on a person’s mental capacity, self understanding, and the severity of the event that causes it.
Having PTSD does not reflect weakness or anything negative about a person. On the contrary, it actually demonstrates the mind’s capability for preserving itself. There are a variety of ways this happens. For some, mental blocking or temporary memory loss occurs, where the events causing PTSD can’t be recalled voluntarily without hypno- or other forms of therapy. Others become emotionally dead, unable to feel many–if any–emotions. It’s an incredible and involuntary reaction. However, if help is not sought out to correct and heal from the effects of PTSD, it can become very damaging and destructive in all aspects of life.
Memories may sometimes be involuntarily recalled through ordinary events that trigger flashbacks. In these cases, mental blocks can disappear and the traumatizing event comes back to remembrance so clearly that it can be difficult to differentiate between reality, truth, or past and present. These flashbacks can cause severe anxiety attacks, irrational behavior, and intense emotional pain. Some people with PTSD can’t control when or where flashbacks and anxiety attacks happen, and when it occurs in public it can be both terrifying and humiliating. Others might shut down emotionally until they reach a safer, private place to allow the flashback and anxiety attack to surface.
Unfortunately, very few people know what PTSD is. Even fewer understand it or recognize the symptoms. In my experience, where there is ignorance about it, unfair judgement and cruel actions usually results. As I’ve come to be more open about my own struggle with PTSD, I’ve lost friendships, I’ve been gossiped about, and I’ve met with many blank stares and cold shoulders. As difficult and damaging as those moments have been, I have come to learn a few important truths about human nature when you’re telling others anything:
Not everyone you tell will understand.
Not everyone you tell will believe you.
And of those you choose to tell, not everyone will react well.
That truth goes for everything you share with anyone–not just PTSD. But this reality is so much more painful and hard to deal with when it’s something as personal and challenging as PTSD.
You never know what someone else is dealing with–whether it’s PTSD or some other emotional or mental disorder. With that in mind, I hope you will be more understanding and loving toward others who may seem different or weird to you. I hope you won’t judge that man with a scraggly beard and skin like leather, as he sits in the median holding a sign explaining that he’s a homeless veteran. I hope you won’t quietly gossip to your friend as the pregnant high schooler walks past you at the grocery store. I hope you won’t stare at that girl with tattoos and piercings from head to toe, and assume that she’s just a freak.
I hope you won’t be cruel to someone just because he or she is different from you, because you never know when you might be the person who is judged unfairly by others. And when someone confides something personal to you, I hope that you will gently listen and try to understand how to help. You could either be the difference that causes someone to get help and live a successful, beautiful life or the one who crushes their last ounce of hope and confidence, leading them to a wasted life of further abuse and self-destruction.
I hope you decide now to show a little extra love to those going through hard times. I was the girl who needed it once. I’ve experienced both of those lifestyles–the ugly and the beautiful. I promise that if you help anyone in any way to live the beautiful life he or she was meant to live, your own life will be filled with more meaning. Your heart will feel more joy. You’ll make friendships that will change your life. You’ll be more satisfied with yourself. And the favor will be returned when you find yourself in a moment of weakness and needing some extra love.