When you’ve been made a victim, it can be difficult to see yourself as anything else. Discrimination, abuse, and violence can make it hard to see yourself otherwise. But it is possible to no longer view yourself that way. It is possible to survive terrible events, and even thrive because of them.
Recently, I learned about these girls in the same Industrial Design program at the university I was enrolled in, that they collaborated together to design a product that is now being picked up by a major company for production. As I read about it, I was thrilled at the pictures of their sketchbooks, how familiar that style of drawing was, and the fact that I know a lot of what it takes to do something like that. Simultaneously, my heart felt broken and I was fighting the jealousy that I know would consume me if I’d let it.
That should have been me. That very well could have been me. I was taking those classes, and I had so much talent and potential to get a degree in that exact same Industrial Design program. Most of my professors had expressed to me that I was bound to have a future in the program if I pursued it, regardless of the fact that it’s such a competitive course of study. One of my classmates even said to me, “If you’re not meant to do industrial design, then I don’t know who is.” Instead, here I sit today, ashamed that I am currently a college drop-out. It breaks my heart to admit that, because I never saw it in my future.
Throughout the course of healing, I have struggled in many ways. A lot of them were expected. But some of them have surprised me and don’t make any sense.
Art and creativity have aided me in the healing process. I use various art mediums to speak in ways words cannot adequately communicate. I like to use graphite, charcoal, watercolor, or ink. I design and sew clothing and fabric crafts. I make jewelry and hair accessories. The ability to look at materials, envision what they could become, and then make that happen has been extraordinarily therapeutic for me. Using my mind and hands to create something beautiful that expresses myself is satisfying in a way that nothing else can be.
However, there was a point where I suddenly found myself empty of ideas, unable to finish projects I would start, and frustrated that my usual creative ideas wouldn’t surface. I was going through a particularly difficult time with therapy, and as a result, my creative side seemed to vanish. All of a sudden I found myself producing absolute trash for my industrial design assignments. I was so unsatisfied with them that I just couldn’t bring myself to turn them in to my professors. I missed class, still trying to finish assignments at home rather than showing up to class empty-handed. This went on for months, then for the entire semester, and then for over a year.
I was both depressed and distraught about this predicament. I’ve been creative since I could hold a crayon in my hand. I’ve won contests with my art. I’ve taught myself countless artistic techniques and mastered many of them. How could I mysteriously lose it all so suddenly? The most frustrating part was that I had no control over it. I couldn’t just call my creativity back. I had to heal to a point where it would finally come back on its own.
A few years later, here I am reading about these five girls, successfully doing exactly what I still dream of doing. I began feeling bitter about it, angry over something that is not my fault but has kept me from those dreams. Had some certain events never happened to me, I would be there in those pictures, proudly smiling. I just know it.
As I cried to my husband over this, he brought a few truths to my attention. The fact that I still know I could be doing that in an alternate reality proves that I still can. Just because I’ve been a victim doesn’t mean I need to stay a victim. Surviving tragedy and trauma is crucial. But it doesn’t stop there. Once you’ve survived, you can eventually thrive.
I don’t need to let my dreams die. I can still accomplish them. And I already am. The proof is in my actions: I’m a photographer. I’m an artisan and an artist. I’m a designer. Those points are validated by others, and–more importantly–I’m starting to be able to see them myself.
If you’ve been made a victim, be it from bullying, discrimination, abuse, violence, or anything else, you don’t have to remain a victim. You can be a survivor. More than that, you can thrive again. You can prove that you can still reach your dreams. Your path to success may be quite different than what you had in mind, but you can still get there. It will be hard and it won’t be typical, but the confidence and self-worth that result from finding success against the odds are sweeter than you can imagine.
You can do it.