When you have PTSD or any other mental disorder, living a “normal life” can be a challenge, especially if you don’t get the help and support you need to heal from it. And even when you do have all of the best possible resources, it’s not always easy. But day-to-day life can still be pleasant and happy, even though you often have to think and do things differently than someone without a mental disorder. And you know what? That’s perfectly okay.
My memory of past times is a little skewed sometimes. Occasionally I even have no recollection of events because of the way my mind handles trauma and flashbacks. My feelings are sometimes fragile, and my self esteem can go from sky-high to rock-bottom in a matter of seconds. I went from never showing any emotion to now crying at everything–whether it’s a photo of a newborn baby or a funny sitcom on TV. I almost always say the wrong thing when I meet someone for the first time, and I always make a fool out of myself. I never know when to stop talking, and I’m pretty sure it annoys people. I often over-analyze the words others say to me. When the news won’t quit covering stories of battered and abused children or women, I get moody and can’t focus on anything until I talk about it with my husband (which often includes a good cry). Those things are ‘the norm’ for me. And most people probably think I’m weird or strange because of it. And that’s perfectly okay with me.
Why?
Because I can immerse myself in a moment of laughter and joy with my hilarious son. Because I can sit outside under a starry night sky and be filled with wonder and awe at the beauty of the universe. Because I can watch my favorite old movie and be enthralled by its plot over and over again. Because I can sit and read books for hours on end and enjoy every second of it. Because I can create works of art and take beautiful photographs with my own two hands. Because I can stay up late acting silly with my husband. Because I can make a stunning and delicious dessert for a party. Because I can exercise and eat well. Because I know that my words and my experiences have helped someone else like me. It doesn’t matter if I have PTSD, and it doesn’t matter if others don’t understand me or my disorder. I can live a full and satisfying life by focusing on those things that truly bring me joy and satisfaction.
I may do some things differently than most people, but I can still do them. I may even have more appreciation for those ‘normal’ things which most people don’t even think twice about, because there was a time when I struggled just to leave the house by myself. I don’t need to be reminded that I have a disorder–I’m already reminded of it from simply living life every day. So when you meet me for the first time and I ramble a little too much about my hair after you compliment me on it, please be kind to me. When you see me cry while we’re watching a movie, put your arm around me and offer some support–or at least hand me a tissue. When I ask you to remind me about that hilariously awkward group date we went on in college, just tell me the story from your perspective and don’t scoff because I can’t remember it. When I get moody or quiet, look me in the eye and remind me that you care about me. Sometimes that’s all I need to keep myself together.
Sometimes, a little kindness and love is all any of us need, whether we have a disorder or not. Don’t treat those of us with a disorder any differently than you would treat your friends or family. Besides, for all you know, some of them may have a difficult mental disorder–whether they have been diagnosed or not.
We all deserve a chance to live a healthy, “regular” life.
Go live yours, and help others to live theirs.