Developing a Practice
If you are just joining in on the ride, this is the latest addition in a series of posts dedicated to exploring addiction and recovery, the path from fear to love. I began by talking a bit about our fears and irrational beliefs that keep us stuck in self-defeating patterns and went on to describe how bringing a graceful awareness to these patterns can open the way for us to become un-stuck. Now, I would like to share the possibility of developing a mindfulness practice that instills a pattern self-love rather than living in an unconscious pattern of self-defeat.
It is important to note that these tools and tid bits I am sharing from my own experience are useful to everyone, not solely individuals working through addiction. We all have self-defeating patterns, even if they are located only within our mind. Our patterns of thinking about our selves and our lives can be built of austerity — fear based or hate based and severely limiting of our potential.
Also, you do not have to be an ‘alcoholic’ to have a drinking problem; you do not have to have an ‘eating disorder’ to have disordered eating; and you don’t have to be a ‘drug addict’ to have an unhealthy relationship with any variety of drug — pharmaceutical, illegal or otherwise. There are many different places to be along this spectrum in relation to any number of substances or behaviors. We have to be able to determine when our behavior is having a negative impact on our lives and our well being. This is where developing a mindfulness practice becomes fantastically useful as our self-defeating patterns are in large part unconscious. We are sort of in the dark about what we are doing to ourselves and why.
So, let’s talk about developing a mindful practice. What does that mean and how can it help? I’m sure that many people, when hearing the term mindful practice, conjure a mental image something like a yogi meditating in full lotus for hours. You could try that if it interests you! But it is not what I mean to share with you. I want to open up this idea of mindful practice. In using this term mindful practice what I mean is for us is to find a task or action that we enjoy doing and bring a greater level of attentiveness into this task or action that can be repeated on a regular basis to create a practice where we are fully present, focused, and engaged in what we are doing.
Mindful practice is a tool for creating self-awareness. We get to experience our thoughts and emotions as they arise and greet them in a new way — with embodied presence. This gives us greater resource in handling our out-of-control emotions when they arise outside of mindful practice. Mindful practice does not have to be spiritual, either. You could choose anything for your practice: gardening, cooking, dancing, writing, or even tanning at the beach. The idea is that it be a practice you can enjoy, that uplifts you, and is beneficial to you. Choose a practice that makes you feel good about yourself and strengthens both your confidence and level of serenity. Make this mindfulness practice as natural as breathing; infuse it into as many aspects of your life as you can. And then when you find yourself in the middle of a self-defeating pattern you can use this practice as a guide to pull yourself back out.
I want to share with you a video recording of a question and answer series on addiction and attachment with Baba Ram Dass. If you don’t have much time, I recommend listening from about 3:10-14:30 as it is an extensive dialogue at 44:05 minutes. I’ll preface this video by stating that he uses a spiritual lens to share his thoughts on addiction and mindfulness because he comes from a spiritual tradition of contemplative practice. This is where I want to emphasize the idea that you do not have to be in spiritual practice to find benefit from mindfulness. I have even included views on contemplative practice from a neuroscientist below just to balance out the perspectives being shared. Ram Dass has a very interesting perspective on the nature of addiction and does a wonderful job explicating the process we put ourselves through with self-defeating behaviors — both how we get stuck in them and how we can let them fall away. It ties in very nicely with my thoughts on the Fear Cycle and practicing Awareness with Grace. I hope you enjoy it!
If you are interested in learning more about contemplative practices and how they can influence wellness, please check out this fascinating video from Ted.com as well, entitled: “Why A Neuroscientist Would Study Meditation”
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Stay tuned for Part IV!