Comfort in Connection

One of my personal struggles is loneliness.

I can’t remember a time in my life when I wasn’t loved—not everyone can say this (believe me I know this very clearly as a Social Worker). I can’t recall ever truly being alone or on my own. But there have been sweeping moments and drowning days where I have felt incredibly lonely.

We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread, but there are many more dying for a little love. (Mother Teresa)

I can’t remember when, but years ago I started saving little notes, cards, sticky notes, messages, scraps of paper—basically anything someone took  the time to write or send me. Here is one of those caches.

I am not one who displays these notes or even really takes them out and re-reads them. I find enough comfort knowing they are sitting there—If I need.  Today,  however, anticipating this post, I took some out and re-read them. They, of course, put smiles on my face and opened up a deluge of memories.

I have a few other places where I stash thank you/love notes. There is something so comforting knowing that little reminders, or pieces of people’s love, are scattered about around me as I work or sleep. I find so much joy and comfort in the connection.

However, surrounded by amazing people that love me I often find myself feeling lonely. So I thought I would share a few things that have meant the world to me when I am feeling disconnected or lonely. Maybe they will be helpful for you or maybe they will help you connect with others:

• Being single and living on my own I sometimes find I am devoid of touch. When people hold my hand, let me put my head on their shoulder, play with my hair, put their hand on my shoulder or hug me I feel a sense of connectedness. Touch brings comfort in a way that words cannot.
• Don’t assume I am doing well all the time. I may appear to have my life together but inside I’m a wilting flower. It doesn’t take much—a sincere compliment, a handwritten note, a personal FB message, or maybe even just to tell me that you care—and that is all the water and sunlight I need to blossom.
• Invite me to share a moment that matters to you. The other night a dear friend of mine stopped me in my tracks to point out this gorgeous lighting storm in the sky. We stood there side by side and watched the sky dance. I felt part of something.
• Take an interest in something that matters to me. About a month ago I had a coworker (TrailWalker) sit with me and she said, “I notice you love and surround yourself with words. Tell me about that.” And so I did. We sat there as I poured out my heart. She listened intently. We were connected.
• Remember what I like. When you remember that I like Captain America and bring me a Pez Dispenser of him or remember that I LOVE trains and bring me a  little red wooden train—I know you listened.
• Invite me to learn something new. Don’t assume that just because I may not have done it before or know how to do it that I am not interested. I may look like a fool but I will love every moment of learning with you.
• Talk to me about real things. It’s okay to talk about being lonely, depressed, wanting to be in a relationship, how painful it is getting out of one. I find so much connectedness in real conversations that move both of our hearts and minds.

These are just a few things I have noticed that help me feel connected to others. In feeling connected to others I find comfort, peace, and love.

How do you find comfort or alleviate your loneliness?